Late one Sunday night, a thirty-something woman named Kate is scrolling through Instagram and sees a photo of an old college friend vacationing in New Zealand. She immediately feels her stomach sink and a hot flush of jealousy and envy, wishing she could travel instead of saving her pennies for those monthly graduate school student loan repayments. Is this comfortable for her?
Probably not. Does this mean Kate can or should immediately pack up and go to New Zealand? Who knows. For instance, could Kate begin some rigorous budgeting for a trip?
Could she explore travel hacking? Or does she need to do some arm-chair traveling with a stream of travel documentaries?tedemntopprestflag.tk/map7.php
Your jealousy isn’t a bad thing. It’s an important clue and opportunity.
Maybe Kate can notice that her degree will ultimately afford her more income down the road and possibly more disposable income to travel with. Finally, I think that acknowledging and accepting our feelings of jealousy can give us the proverbially ultimate personal growth opportunity: a chance to practice being with what is.
It truly is. She gets to feel jealous and she gets to feel envy. She can sit with that and be with her actual feelings, her real experience, and maybe even expand her container for feeling those feelings. At the end of the day, jealousy is a great opportunity for us to practice being with what is and expanding our capacity to tolerate uncomfortable feelings. As we wrap up today I want you to take away a few key points:.
Jealousy is universal, we ALL feel it. In fact, jealousy can provide us with important information about our true desires, clues about where we might want to turn our attention and get actionable. Jealousy provides a chance to practice gratitude. And finally, jealousy affords us the ultimate personal growth opportunity: the chance to be with what is and to feel ALL of our feelings, even the uncomfortably ones, so that we can expand our emotional container. Medical Disclaimer. Sign up and you'll receive two original articles a month designed to help you feel better in your relationships, career, and more!
I am not exactly how to say this, but here goes. Your take on jealousy is a viewpoint I have never considered. Is it for everyone? Does it always work? Yes and no. Yes if you can keep yourself on track. No it fails when communication with your business or personal partner fails. It is also completely disrupted and must be set aside for later when you deal with the sudden death of a family member.
Grief occurs but you must get back to a sense of direction, which I have eventually done. Another amazingly well timed, thought provoking gem Annie. I feel like I can both make myself more open and more vulnerable, with all the growth and appreciation those can bring, when I read your perspective. Thanks for sharing this. Thank you so much for your kind and generous feedback. I appreciate you taking the time to read this post and for stopping by to share your feedback.
Unhealthy Relationship Behaviors Series: Jealousy - One Love Foundation
What a great article! Thank you Annie.
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I surprised myself starting being jealous for the first time with my current partner. The irony is that I do attract jealous friends, especially women. To let go of these two negative emotions, we must thoroughly understand where those feelings come from. And stop seeing yourself as a failure.
Buddhism teaches us that whatever causes our suffering has its roots in the Three Poisons: Ignorance, Hate, and Greed. Ignorance is the mother of all poisons. When we see that someone is doing better than us, rather than focus on how we can improve, we get stuck on the current status. When we compare, we see things as static.
We look outside what others have rather than inside what we can change. We create our own poison and then drink it. Ignorance is clinging to people, objects or emotions. Hate arises from ignorance. We believe the world revolves around us.
JEALOUSY AND ENVY
We want to stand out from the universe instead of seeing our connectedness to everything and everyone else. Envy and jealousy are just defense mechanisms. Unfortunately, delusion creates a vicious cycle. Not only it frustrates us; we crave for more. Attachment motivates envy and jealousy. We direct our envy at those whom we compare ourselves such as your co-workers, friends, relatives or neighbors. A picture-perfect society is doing us no good by encouraging envy and fruitless comparisons.
So, how can you avoid this lethal poison? If ignorance is the mother of all poisons, then wisdom is the universal antidote. Being wise is appreciating the water around you. Wisdom is listening to other points of view rather than discriminating; to carefully examine facts even if they contradict our beliefs; to be objective rather than biased, and to always be ready to change our beliefs when opposite facts are presented to us. Certainty can cripple your wisdom, as I wrote here. Embracing a skeptical mindset will help you see life sharply. The path of just believing what you are told is easy.
The path towards wisdom requires confidence, courage, adaptability, and patience. The antidote for greed is generosity ; the one for hate is loving kindness. Letting go of your possessions and relationships requires wisdom too. They can contribute to your joy, but your happiness does not depend on them. You stop looking at what others have. You free yourself from owning or being owned. To know yourself is to accept yourself. Reflect without judging yourself.
Are you jealous? Are you always comparing yourself to others? Deep inside you might feel insecure, frightened, betrayed or threatened. Feedback will help you uncover blind spots so you can conquer them. To increase your self-awareness, you need to look outside, not just inside as I wrote here. People who score high in self-awareness know themselves well and understand how others see them too. Become your own standard. Learn to appreciate yourself for who you are, not for what you possess or your achievements.
Compare yourself to who you were yesterday. Comparing to other people is a lose-lose situation.
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Normal jealousy happens early in a relationship; it can be improved by improving the self-esteem of affected partners.
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